Checking in

This is one of those weird sites for me where I realize that I don't write in it enough. But then I realize that I don't have enough going on in my bdsm life that I need to be writing about either. I tend to live in one of those areas that is "just" outside of where things are happening. San Francisco has lots of stuff going on, but I live in Stockton, and I've never found Stockton to be all that welcoming of an area for a community. There's a munch that happens, but I attended their munch, and I felt more like I was intruding on their group than that I would ever be a part of their group, so I never went back. You ever get that feeling that people are "tolerating" you but really not wanting to talk to you? That's how it was. I then happened to be placed near a couple of dominant women who were talking really loud about how they felt they should become professionals so they could get slaves to pay for their desires. I wanted to chime in with what I knew about the bdsm professional lifestyle, in case they were serious, because it is rarely all cash and roses as they made it sound. Plus, there is an aesthetic level to taking clients, and if someone doesn't have a certain amount of the "look", that plethora of clientele isn't really going to magically appear, and I really didn't want to end up insulting someone I didn't know because of unrealistic expectations.

So, I'm finishing up school now. Or I'm done. I'm writing my thesis, and then I'm done with school. I'm trying to find a job now, and once I do, I'll move to wherever it is I need to move. I'm kind of unsure of what to do or where to go, so this is turning into a bit of a frustrating period for me, but I'm going to have to make a decision very soon, and then I'm probably going to be stuck somewhere for the next phase of my life. So far, I haven't been all that happy with my options, almost to the point of where I may end up just giving up and moving somewhere overseas, working on my writing, and forgetting the whole lifestyle itself.

But nothing's definite right now. Not in any relationships at the moment. There were a few possibilities that occurred over the last year, but they never went anywhere. I think people tend to see me as the "oh he'll always be around" kind of submissive, so they just ignore me and then get all pissy after I've moved (that's happened a few times to me in the past...people don't seem to want you when you're around and then complain when you're gone).

One thing I find amazing is that I still miss Marisha, even after a decade. I don't have any way of contacting her, so I've never been able to talk to her again, but I often wonder what she did after she left the business completely. You rarely run into someone really special, and once she's gone, you rarely run into someone else who can fill that void. The world is strange that way sometimes. But what do I know?