This site may be changing drastically soon

Yes, and it may no longer be bdsm oriented. I've given up on trying to find someone. It's never worked out for me. The reasons can be all sorts of possibilities (most probably my fault, and I accept that). I've been trying for two decades to find something, and I never have succeeded.

The ole' houseboy thing

I started doing houseboy work for a woman and her mistress in trainee in San Francisco. I've been so out of the scene that I've actually really needed something like this. And the woman who is allowing me this privilege is someone I've known for a long time and for whom I have a great deal of respect. I spent most of the time cleaning different things, like brass and leather, and it was somewhat cathartic in its process. I was also locked into an extremely heavy metal collar and a long chain that stretched from one end of the place to a locking mechanism in the bathroom. When I moved around the place, it was extremely obvious I was moving. There were no stealth movements for me.

It was actually quite nice. My understanding is that this is part of an effort to assist her associate in learning different aspects of slave training, and I'm quite proud to be able to be a part of it, although I keep it solidly in my mind that my purpose is to do as directed by both of them, and that's definitely nice.

This has the possibility of working out for however long they want and need me. My only concern is that I get the impression they're both so busy with their professional and personal lives that I may just get forgotten because there just won't be any time for me. But I will make myself as available as possible and avail myself of the wonderful opportunity for as long as it presents itself in front of me.

Eventually I hope to find an actual Mistress who will take ownership over me. But until I do, I realize I definitely need some type of control like this in my life. I have way too much freedom and self-control in my life as it is.

Always There

One of the things that has always been difficult for me as a service submissive is that most of us sincere ones fall into the category of "always there", which probably needs some explanation. Imagine yourself as a dominant woman. You have this service submissive who is loyal and will do practically everything you ask/tell him or her, and this goes on for awhile. Two sorts of things often happen that make it an interesting situation.

1. Proximity of finding what you are seeking (the sincere submissive already in your grasp) makes you feel that perhaps it might be easy to find someone just like that submissive but with extra bells and whistles. Maybe the next one is more attractive, wealthier, a different gender or whatever. So, you start going back out and exploring the multitudes of submissives out there, knowing that the statistics indicate that the odds are better for you finding what you are seeking rather than not finding what you are seeking. So, you find that more attractive one, bring him into your midst, and on the surface, it looks like you found what you were seeking. Then after a few months of fooling you, he or she reveals that he or she is not really exactly what you were seeking but was playing along in hopes of interjecting his or her personal fantasies (which don't fit the service paradigm you imagined). So you dump this new submissive to the road. And then you realize that the one who was what you were seeking is gone, and you kind of missed it while you were having so much fun with the one that was going to replace him or her.

2. When this service submissive comes into your life, you take complete advantage of him or her, and everything seems to be going all right. But you're a busy woman. You have lots of things on your dance card, so you continue doing what you're doing, and you're completely in bliss because you have this person who cooks, cleans and does everything else you desire. This gives you lots and lots of more time that you really didn't have before because you were more self-sufficient in the past, so you start to get out there in the scene even more. You attract many more players, and your dance card is filled even further. Then out of nowhere, you come home one day and the service submissive has been snatched up by another woman. And you never even suspected there was anything wrong. Oh sure, you heard him griping a bit about never seeing you, but you allowed him to show up and clean, even though you had to run off and attend a party, so "would it be okay if you locked up on your way out?" and other such things. You could trust him; I mean, he's been your dedicated house slave for months, if not years. But then he's gone, and you have no idea why. Obviously, he was not a "true" service submissive. Now you'll just have to look for another, or not look for one at all because the last one was obviously too much of a bother; I mean, he left without a warning.

What both scenarios actually signify is a sense that the service submissive is always going to be there, and if he's not, he's easily replaceable. Anyway, I've observed this a lot over the years, both with myself and with those around me. Yet, I keep seeing the exact same things happening no matter how much experience those in the scene have.

Anyway, just a thought for a Friday evening.