Disconnection

I recently moved a few blocks from where I was living on campus. It's not a big deal; the university just wouldn't let me remain in campus housing during summer if I wasn't attending summer school. So I moved out completely because I didn't feel like moving out and then moving back in again.

But that's not what I really wanted to talk about. Things didn't really work out with R. (I use single letters to avoid using someone's name on my blog, when I feel it is more appropriate). She and I decided to go separate ways before the semester ended. She left it up to me to contact her again if I was interested in pursuing something further, but I just didn't feel any chemistry growing between us, so I felt just letting it fade away was probably the better alternative. M. is the one person I've wanted to become involved with; she and I were together some years back, and just finding her again was a great thing. The only problem is that getting in touch with her is usually a very difficult process, and I have a feeling the potential future we have in front of us is going to be eliminated before it ever happens just because getting in touch with her is practically impossible.

Which leaves me back at square one again. I really don't know what to do. I really don't seem to find anyone, and I've pretty much lost all ability to figure out where and how to find someone. I'm not the kind of person who does a lot of playing, or even dating. I usually get swept up by one person, and I'm hers for the long haul. It's just been awhile since anyone has swept me up.

Not much to say lately

I haven't really made much of an effort to post here mainly because I haven't actually done anything of a bdsm nature in a very long time. The person I was working towards a relationship with kind of went neutral with me, and it was mainly because we weren't really building towards anything. The ball's in my court, but I haven't had the time to really do anything to make it happen. Now that school is finally finished (tonight I turn in my last paper), I have all the time in the world, but I don't have contact with anyone with which to devote all that time. It probably doesn't help that I realize I need to find a job to survive this summer, and that hasn't been going all that well either.

It's hard trying to be someone who can offer everything when I'm trying hard just to get my house back in order again.