Strict, no nonsense control for service submissives

This may sound strange, but as a service submissive, I usually don't discuss a lot of the harder aspects of bdsm. Sure, I'm a submissive, and I love being tied up and tortured like the next guy, but for some reason service submissives kind of fall into this really weird category that I generally don't believe exists. It's this fantasy some women have (based on this fantasy that wannabe submissives sell to them as the reason why they should be integrated into their lives...before springing on them their desire for more intimate and stronger action) that service submissives are ONLY interested in doing housework and that sort of stuff. That's ALL they need.

I'll let you in on a little secret. That's not all they need. I'm about as close to the dedicated service submissive you're going to find, but there are a couple of mandatory things necessary to making such a relationship with a dominant woman work.

1. For one, it needs to be a woman I'm serving who is actually using me for her needs. I know this sounds kind of strange, but I can't tell you how many times I get "offers" from either guys (which I have no desire to serve) or from women who then tell me that my interaction with them will be minimal, or that I will be communicating with her through her male secretary (or whatever title she gives the guy). In other words, I'm going to be serving "her" by serving her male submissive (or dominant) but that should be all I need to make me happy. If there's no woman in the picture, then why even be involved? I could be home cleaning my own place, or playing world of warcraft, or writing the All American Novel.

2. There needs to be actual domination involved. Cleaning is great, but to be honest, if I was so into cleaning only, I wouldn't really need a dominant, and I'd be at home cleaning my own home, or working for a cleaning company and actually getting paid for it. A submissive needs to be reminded that there's someone actually in charge of him (or her). Quite often, the real way to do that is to feel the dominance first hand. I once had a woman tell me she wanted me to be her slave, which to her meant that I'd come in and clean her apartment when she wasn't there. She'd have me come in on days when she was "playing" with her submissives she tied up and tortured at another location so she wouldn't get in the way of my cleaning. That was going to be the ONLY interaction we were going to have (me cleaning alone). Yeah, that one got me all hot and excited for the two seconds I considered that potential relationship.

3. Now this is just me, but I suspect it's not just me. But every now and then I need to be reminded physically that I'm a submissive and that I'm into this thing called bdsm. That usually means a Mistress who is interested in actually playing with me once in awhile. If that's never going to happen, and I'm not even talking all of the time or even most of the time, but if that's not even a potentiality, then I'm not the submissive for her.

What's significant about this is that there are a gazillion guys who pretend that they don't need any of these things, but they are "really" submissives and will do everything needed to be done with nothing else in return. Generally, they're lying to you. Yeah, sorry. They are. They won't admit it, and you'll keep pursuing this fantasy because somewhere in the past, some woman said "I found exactly that", much like some guy in Utah won the lottery, so it looks like all you have to do is buy a lottery ticket and somehow you're going to be a multimillionaire. Yeah.

I'm going to be trying to add articles and stories

I just returned from Atlanta, Georgia this evening, and I've finally had a chance to catch up on comments and emails. One thing I want to do with this blog is to add more articles and stories. I have a bunch that need to be added, but I've just not had the time.

While things are kind of in limbo for my social life, at least I think I can do something about keeping the page moving forward. I thank everyone for their comments, by the way. Unfortunately, collarme just wasn't all that conducive an environment for communicating with people. I still post there, but I deactivated my profile as I was getting really tired of the fake people who were contacting me. Some of the people who held conversations with me were great, but I just couldn't believe how many energy suckers are part of that environment. I may reactivate that profile another day, but for now, I'll probably leave it deactivated.

Deactivated collarme profile

I decided that collarme wasn't really working out for me. I kept running into the same kind of woman who was interested in me but more interested in the fact that I'm a service submissive than in being interested directly in me. It got tiring after awhile. And then when someone does have an interest in you, and you find out that she's located too far away from you and once that is discovered the interest is gone...well, that's kind of frustrating, too.

I think what finally did it for me is that I tried to contact someone I really respected, because she's always very critical about everything I do, asking her if she would be willing to give me some advice. Instead, she just ignored my email and didn't really seem to care. I think that was about the final straw for me, so I'm giving up on it completely and focusing on my writing only.

Not sure how much longer to continue the blog

I'm kind of wondering if it's worth continuing this blog. No one has ever commented, and even worse, I've grown more frustrated by the fact that I just can't seem to find anyone. Yeah, the second part doesn't have anything to do with the first, but it's just a further frustration.

I've actually been giving a lot of thought to just throwing up my hands and giving in to the whole thing. Maybe I wasn't meant to find anyone.

This is how my blog feels sometimes

I'm being honored for my writing tomorrow

I'm getting an award for my writing tomorrow, for a contest I won for the local city's art commission. It was a short story I submitted, and it took first place.

Well, the banquet function is tomorrow, and while I should be excited, I'm not really. You see, I kind of assumed I'd have a partner by now, or at least a significant other (even if I was the only one who considered us significant). But it hasn't worked out that way. I'm currently being considered by a woman who I'm not really sure is all that interested in me. Granted, she's interested is the fact that I'm a service submissive, but I sometimes wonder if I'm just interchangeable with anyone else, when it comes to our lack of a relationship. I know I've been busy, but at the same time it seems that this really isn't developing, and to be honest, I really don't know what to do about it because I've tried talking about it before, but it's one of those things that you really don't get further on while trying to talk about it.

So, I'm going to this awards ceremony alone, and while the life of a writer can sometimes be that way, I just somewhat expected something would be different by now.

Making time for SMC (Service of Mankind Church)

I used to be an officer for SMC, and when I left California to pursue a graduate degree in Michigan, I kind of lost touch with the old organization. For those not familiar, SMC is a bdsm organization that integrates spirituality with the lifestyle.

Well, I'm slowly getting back involved again. The organization has been sort of plugging along, and now that I'm back, they're asking me to contribute my thinking to the organization again. I'm that kind of lifestyle community person who does a lot of work behind the scenes, but for the most part, people generally don't know who I am. A funny aside to this was some years back when I was at a play party, and this really hot dominant woman was making conversation with me and name dropped my name as someone she used to top. Apparently, she didn't know she was actually talking to the person she claimed to have previously dommed. Now don't get me wrong; I sure wish she had dommed me in the past, but unfortunately that wasn't really the case. So, I said nothing and just listened, but it sure opened my eyes to how sometimes people really want to be part of the in crowd at a party function, even when they're so much more of the in crowd than they might already suspect.

As soon as I find time, probably at the end of this semester (I'm in grad school again...communication this time), I intend to help out SMC again. It's a great organization; it sometimes just needs a push in the right direction.